Friday, August 26, 2016

Some Things Are Not Healthy...

Two friends are discussing health. One of them has begun a better diet, and suddenly, the subject is on drinking juice.
Nicole: I prefer juice that has residue from oranges, so you know where it's coming from...
Angelina: Well, as long as I don't get minced meat in my milk, I'll be fine!

Have a nice weekend everyone. :-)

Friday, July 29, 2016

Fun Video With Achmed - The Dead Terrorist

I simply must share this video with you. I discovered it yesterday when I saw some other videos in my timeline on YouTube, and this one is great:



Have a nice weekend everyone. :-)

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Watch the Language, Young Man

A mother was preparing dinner in the kitchen, and could hear her son playing with trains in the living room. She noticed the train stopped, and her son said: "All you lazy SOBs who need to get off better hurry, and to all the idiots who are getting on board: get your asses moving. We need to move on."

She was shocked, and hurried into the living room and said: "We don't use that type of language in this home. As a punishment, you can go to your room for an hour. You can then play with your trains when you can speak decently!"

An hour later, the boy is playing with his train again. The train stops, and she hears her son say: "To all passengers leaving us, I want to thank you for travelling with us, and please do remember all your luggage. We hope you have had a pleasant trup." She heard her son continue: "To our new travellers I want to wish you welcome on board. We shall do our best to ensure you have a pleasant journey. Please find your seats before we take off."

The mother smiled with pride, when she suddenly heard the boy continue: "And if any of you assholes are disappointed that we are delayed an hour, you can go talk with the fat lady in the kitchen!"

Friday, July 15, 2016

Friends Talking About Diets

Between friends:
- Have you found a good recipe for your diet?
- Yes. I drink a lot of whisky, get drunk, and fall asleep. When I wake up, I have a hangover, and can't eat for at least two days.

Have a nice weekend everyone. :-)

Friday, July 8, 2016

Smart Doctor

The regional doctor drives through a small village with his wife.

She suddenly bursts out: - Don't drive so fast. You know the local policeman is on patrol today.

He replies: - No worries. I ordered him a week in bed to recover from a flu.

Have a nice weekend everyone :-)

Friday, June 24, 2016

Riddle of the week

Source: Clipartpanda.com - free clipart
- What is the similarity between meteorologists and doctors?
- ???
- They are paid well regardless of whether they are right or wrong...

:-)

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Mother-in-law

James had a visit from his mother-in-law, and the day before she was to go home, she asked: - James, do you remember when my train departs?

- I sure do. In 19 hours, 22 minutes and 34 seconds.

Have a nice weekend everyone

Friday, June 10, 2016

Blondes and Brunettes

A blonde and a brunette are watching the evening news. They are showing a feature about a man that wants to jump from a bridge.

The blonde and brunette make a wager about whether he jumps.

The blonde says no, and the brunette says yes.

The man jumps.

The brunette: - I'm actually cheating. I watched it yesterday, and knew he would jump.

The blonde: - So did I, but I didn't think he would jump again.

Saturday, June 4, 2016

A Pain In the Ass CEO

The CEO of the company was known as a really nasty guy, which caused one of the employees to say: - "If there is such a thing as reincarnation, I hope our boss is reborn as a human being..."

Have a nice weekend everyone :-)

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Child Wants a Baby Sister

Child: - Mummy, you once said you would buy me a baby sister when they were on sale.
Mother: - Yes, why do you ask?
Child: - Look at the sign over there: Children half price!